Random Thoughts

I am not talking down to people on this subject. And I am speaking about how I feel about honesty...it doesn't mean I always am. Because I sure as hell am not. In relationships, I believe honesty is important. It's the basis of every healthy relationship, right? I think Matt and I work so well b/c we are so honest and upfront with each other. We don't keep secrets. This is definitely not something I did in past relationships, so I see how much being honest helps the situation. Also, being honest with the rents is such a weight of someone's shoulders. I used to lie to my parents left and right and pretty soon they got so sick of it that they questioned EVERY word that came out of my mouth. I find that now it's just simpler to be honest with them. Life is easier. With friendship...I don't know, I mean honesty is definitely something you need. But what do you say when your friend gets dumped by her boyfriend of a year and he said it was b/c she treated him like shit and you knew that...but she says she doesn't understand how...I mean you're not going to want to tell her that she really did. Or at least not for the time being. So maybe a better way to put it is...honesty is something you ALWAYS need...you just need to know when to use it. ;)

I've been in love. And I know I have...I know it wasn't just some huge crush or whatever. I feel that love happens for a reason. I know was in love with this person because I felt I'd do anything for this person. And when it ended...I thought that was it. That he'd be the only one on my mind. I tried dating a lot of other guys...but it was always this special guy on my mind. In fact, up until recently, I still thought of him all the time. We went for awhile without talking...and he was always on my mind. I mean, always. Then he just came back into my life...and surprisingly I thought that was what I wanted. I always thought that what I wanted was for him to get in touch with me and ask me to take him back, etc. Well when all of that started happening, I was overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do. I started to fear that he would be the only love I'd ever expirience. How awful does that sound? But, we had both grown a lot since we broke up. He had a lot of shit going on in his life, as did I. I thought I'd never get over him. I think my heart was telling me it was okay...but I was letting my daydreams of the way I thought it would be, cloud everything else. I wasn't listening to my heart. I thought that nobody or anything would ever let me get over him. Then...I met somebody. This guy. Who is absolutely amazing. I mean, I would have never guessed that someone could not only meet my standards of what a perfect guy would be...but he soared over them. He's amazing. He's made me realize that someday I'll love again, and that there is such thing as loving again. I was so freaked out about losing my first love, I didn't think about anything else. I realized that you can love again, and that love is there to teach you a lesson. You learn about yourself, about love, about life. Falling in love is an amazing and beautiful thing, and I can't wait to fall in love all over again.

I don't know how anybody could live without friends. I've had so many best friends...I think I've been very lucky. I think a good friend is somebody who you can trust...and somebody who can be honest with you...and understanding. They know what makes you tick, they know what upsets you, and they know what makes you happy. I am definitely NOT the perfect friend...and I don't pretend that I am. Maybe I'm not the greatest friend because I'm too blunt...I call my friends on their bullshit alot....I don't know. I don't regret ANY friendships that I've had. Even the ones that have ended abrubtly. Some friends, I have simply grown apart from. Some I've moved away from and we lost touch. Others I've kept in touch with for years. And in a few cases, we lost touch and then started talking a few years later. I'm so happy to have friends all over the country. I think friends are what makes life liveable. I don't know how someone could live without a friend. I think it's also best to expirience every kind of friend. The BESTEST friend, the friend you have fun with, the friend you can talk to about everything, the friend who always makes everyone laugh, the serious friend, and yeah, even the backstabbing one.

Kissing is...wow kissing rocks my world, let me tell you. And it is VERY important to know how. Not that I am the world's best, but if a guy can't kiss (ex. he sucks your make-up and your face off) then he isn't gonna turn you on. In my book, there's three or four different types. There's the Soap Opera Kiss, which is where you are passionately kissing, slightly opened mouth, no tongue. If anything kissing like that is more intimate than anything I can think of. I love doing that. Then there is your French Kiss. Which is either A) totally awesome or 2. totally disgusting and wet. Don't get me wrong, wet kisses can be great, but the guy has to know not to take off your whole face. Man my first kiss was just....good lord. You gotta keep your mouths evenly open, and boys...don't choke us with your tongue. We know it's there. There's also the peck. The good ol' peck. I don't really care about that one, so why bother, lol. The peck is just, whatever. I prefer the Soap Opera Kiss....especially where you're slightly opened mouthed, no tongue, or just a hint of one, and then one of us, either guy or girl, occaisionally sucks or gently bites the lower lip. SCORE!!!

Being dumped sucks. It's happened to me a few times. More often I've been the one to break up with someone, but still...either way. The best thing to say, in my opinion...is just, "Your loss." Well you know, it all depends on the reason the guy gives you for dumping you. If he'd rather be friends, cool...and if you trust him and know that's how he feels...cool. If he likes another girl...and he's already "liked" her if you know what I mean. No. Kick his ass. Either way, they dumped you, and they lost you. It's THEIR loss. Who cares about them. Now all the other guys who've been admiring you from afar can start coming closer into your life, right? If only I thought this positively when I was being dumped...

I don't care how much self-confidence you have. EVERYONE gets jealous. God knows I do at least a million times a day. It could be of the fab figured girl I saw on TV...or the new outfit my best friend raved about getting...or the girl that my crush loves. Whatever it is...I always am jealous of something. It's human nature. And I HATE JEALOUSY. It's the worst feeling in the world. It hurts. I've had good relationships go down the drain because of MY jealousy. I fixed it though. I mean, I've learned to be a little more rational. I lost a great guy for being jealous, and it made me learn a lesson. I've also wasted too many tears on guys that WERE NOT worth being jealous over. I know it's a feeling that is not worth feeling...but I can't help it. I'd rather have a permanent zit in the middle of my forehead, then feel jealous. I hate feeling jealous. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!! Anyone who doesn't hate it is royally fucked up.


				*A l y s s a* *Random Thoughts*



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		On Honesty... I am not talking down to people on this subject. And I am speaking about how I feel about honesty...it doesn't mean I always am. Because I sure as hell am not. In relationships, I believe honesty is important. It's the basis of every healthy relationship, right? I think Matt and I work so well b/c we are so honest and upfront with each other. We don't keep secrets. This is definitely not something I did in past relationships, so I see how much being honest helps the situation. Also, being honest with the rents is such a weight of someone's shoulders. I used to lie to my parents left and right and pretty soon they got so sick of it that they questioned EVERY word that came out of my mouth. I find that now it's just simpler to be honest with them. Life is easier. With friendship...I don't know, I mean honesty is definitely something you need. But what do you say when your friend gets dumped by her boyfriend of a year and he said it was b/c she treated him like shit and you knew that...but she says she doesn't understand how...I mean you're not going to want to tell her that she really did. Or at least not for the time being. So maybe a better way to put it is...honesty is something you ALWAYS need...you just need to know when to use it. ;) On Love... I've been in love. And I know I have...I know it wasn't just some huge crush or whatever. I feel that love happens for a reason. I know was in love with this person because I felt I'd do anything for this person. And when it ended...I thought that was it. That he'd be the only one on my mind. I tried dating a lot of other guys...but it was always this special guy on my mind. In fact, up until recently, I still thought of him all the time. We went for awhile without talking...and he was always on my mind. I mean, always. Then he just came back into my life...and surprisingly I thought that was what I wanted. I always thought that what I wanted was for him to get in touch with me and ask me to take him back, etc. Well when all of that started happening, I was overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do. I started to fear that he would be the only love I'd ever expirience. How awful does that sound? But, we had both grown a lot since we broke up. He had a lot of shit going on in his life, as did I. I thought I'd never get over him. I think my heart was telling me it was okay...but I was letting my daydreams of the way I thought it would be, cloud everything else. I wasn't listening to my heart. I thought that nobody or anything would ever let me get over him. Then...I met somebody. This guy. Who is absolutely amazing. I mean, I would have never guessed that someone could not only meet my standards of what a perfect guy would be...but he soared over them. He's amazing. He's made me realize that someday I'll love again, and that there is such thing as loving again. I was so freaked out about losing my first love, I didn't think about anything else. I realized that you can love again, and that love is there to teach you a lesson. You learn about yourself, about love, about life. Falling in love is an amazing and beautiful thing, and I can't wait to fall in love all over again. On Friendship... I don't know how anybody could live without friends. I've had so many best friends...I think I've been very lucky. I think a good friend is somebody who you can trust...and somebody who can be honest with you...and understanding. They know what makes you tick, they know what upsets you, and they know what makes you happy. I am definitely NOT the perfect friend...and I don't pretend that I am. Maybe I'm not the greatest friend because I'm too blunt...I call my friends on their bullshit alot....I don't know. I don't regret ANY friendships that I've had. Even the ones that have ended abrubtly. Some friends, I have simply grown apart from. Some I've moved away from and we lost touch. Others I've kept in touch with for years. And in a few cases, we lost touch and then started talking a few years later. I'm so happy to have friends all over the country. I think friends are what makes life liveable. I don't know how someone could live without a friend. I think it's also best to expirience every kind of friend. The BESTEST friend, the friend you have fun with, the friend you can talk to about everything, the friend who always makes everyone laugh, the serious friend, and yeah, even the backstabbing one. On Kissing... Kissing is...wow kissing rocks my world, let me tell you. And it is VERY important to know how. Not that I am the world's best, but if a guy can't kiss (ex. he sucks your make-up and your face off) then he isn't gonna turn you on. In my book, there's three or four different types. There's the Soap Opera Kiss, which is where you are passionately kissing, slightly opened mouth, no tongue. If anything kissing like that is more intimate than anything I can think of. I love doing that. Then there is your French Kiss. Which is either A) totally awesome or 2. totally disgusting and wet. Don't get me wrong, wet kisses can be great, but the guy has to know not to take off your whole face. Man my first kiss was just....good lord. You gotta keep your mouths evenly open, and boys...don't choke us with your tongue. We know it's there. There's also the peck. The good ol' peck. I don't really care about that one, so why bother, lol. The peck is just, whatever. I prefer the Soap Opera Kiss....especially where you're slightly opened mouthed, no tongue, or just a hint of one, and then one of us, either guy or girl, occaisionally sucks or gently bites the lower lip. SCORE!!! On Being Dumped... Being dumped sucks. It's happened to me a few times. More often I've been the one to break up with someone, but still...either way. The best thing to say, in my opinion...is just, "Your loss." Well you know, it all depends on the reason the guy gives you for dumping you. If he'd rather be friends, cool...and if you trust him and know that's how he feels...cool. If he likes another girl...and he's already "liked" her if you know what I mean. No. Kick his ass. Either way, they dumped you, and they lost you. It's THEIR loss. Who cares about them. Now all the other guys who've been admiring you from afar can start coming closer into your life, right? If only I thought this positively when I was being dumped... On Jealousy... I don't care how much self-confidence you have. EVERYONE gets jealous. God knows I do at least a million times a day. It could be of the fab figured girl I saw on TV...or the new outfit my best friend raved about getting...or the girl that my crush loves. Whatever it is...I always am jealous of something. It's human nature. And I HATE JEALOUSY. It's the worst feeling in the world. It hurts. I've had good relationships go down the drain because of MY jealousy. I fixed it though. I mean, I've learned to be a little more rational. I lost a great guy for being jealous, and it made me learn a lesson. I've also wasted too many tears on guys that WERE NOT worth being jealous over. I know it's a feeling that is not worth feeling...but I can't help it. I'd rather have a permanent zit in the middle of my forehead, then feel jealous. I hate feeling jealous. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!! Anyone who doesn't hate it is royally fucked up.